Niba ufite umuntu mubana, mukorana, cyangwa mukundana, ariko akaba azwi nk’umuntu ‘ufunga umutwe’ (wumva bigoranye), nta kabuza uzi ukuntu kuganira nawe cyangwa kumwumvisha ibintu atiyumvisha ari akazi gakomeye, ku buryo hari igihe mutongana, cyangwa mugashwana mupfuye gusa kuko adashaka kumva ibyo umubwira kabone niyo waba uri mu kuri.
Kubana n’aba bantu bishobora kukugora uramutse utize kuganira nabo n’uburyo bwiza bwo kubumvisha ibintu, cyangwa kubabwira gukora ibyo badashaka kuko bo igihe cyose baba biteguye guhangana nawe igihe ushaka kubemeza ibyo batemera.
Ubu ni uburyo 10 ushobora gukoresha igihe uganira n’umuntu utinda kumva, ku buryo mushobora kumvikana bitabaye ngombwa ko mujya mu ntambara z’amagambo.
1. Menya igihe cyiza cyo kumubwira ibintu runaka
Ni byiza kumenya igihe cyiza cyo kuvugisha umuntu utinda kumva kugira ngo ubashe kumwumvisha ibintu runaka mu gihe ukeka ko ashobora kukunaniza.
Niba ushaka ko akumva kandi yemera ibyo umubwira, banza umenye niba ameze neza, afite umwuka mwiza kuko nuramuka umubwiye kugukorera ikintu runaka yarakaye cyangwa se kumwumvisha ibintu atameze neza, ntabwo azigera akumva bityo usange muratondanye cyangwa murashwanye.
2. Muvugishe neza wamwubashye
Kumuvugisha neza umwereka ko wamwubashye, ni uburyo bwiza bwo kuganira neza n’umuntu ufunga umutwe, kuko iyo utangiye kumubwira umeze nk’uwamusuzuguye, cyangwa usa nk’uri kumwigisha uko akora ibintu, yumva ari nk’aho uri kumutuka.
Ibyiza ni ukumutwara gake, ukirinda gukoresha ubutumwa bwa telefone, ahubwo mukavugana murebana mu maso, kandi ukavuga utazamura ijwi ryawe, ariko ukavuga wihagazeho kandi mu buryo bwiza.
3. Gira kwihangana
Uramutse ugira ukwihangana gucye kandi uhura kenshi n’umuntu ufunga umutwe, ntakabuza mwahora mu ntambara, kuko kwihangana niryo banga rya mbere ryo kwirinda intambara z’amagambo n’umuntu utinda kumva.
Iyo umubwira ntakumve, wirinda gukomeza kumuzamukana ahubwo ukihangana ukamureka akavuga kandi ukamwumva. Ibi bituma atuza ku buryo nawe icyo uza kuvuga ari bucyumve.
4. Wimubwira ko yakoze amakosa
Abantu bafunga umutwe iyo ubabwiye ko bakoze amakosa biba bimeze nko kubatera icyuma, kuko iteka bahora batekereza ko bazi uburyo bwiza bwo gukoramo ibintu, rero iyo umubwiye ko yakoze nabi yumva ari ukumwibasira nubwo waba utabikoranye umutima mubi.
Icyo wakora ni ukubanza kumwereka ko ibyo yakoze ari byiza cyangwa ugashyigikira igitekerezo cye ubundi ukabona kumubwira ko byari kuba byiza kurushaho iyo abikora ukundi.
5. Mwubakemo icyizere
Gutinda kumva cyangwa gufunga umutwe akenshi biba ari ikimemyetso cy’ubwoba, kuko umuntu uteye gutyo aba atinya kwibasirwa cyangwa kugaragara nk’umunyantege nke. Iyo rero umwubatsemo icyizere ukamwereka ko nta kibi uba ugamije mu gihe uri kumubwira ikintu runaka, bituma igihe cyose mugiranye ibiganiro akumva, ntakunanize nk’uko abikora ahandi.
Inzobere mu buzima bwo mu mutwe Anahid Lisa Derbabian, yagize ati “Abantu batinda kumva aba ari abanyabwoba, bigatuma batsimbarara ku bitekerezo byabo. Jya umwubakamo icyizere buri munsi, umufashe kumva ko ikindi gitekerezo gishya abwiwe gishobora kumugirira akamaro.”
6. Iyoroshye
Kwiyoroshya ni kimwe mu byagufasha kuganira n’umuntu wumva bigoranye kuko we ntabwo aba acisha bugufi, bivuze ko mwese muramutse muvugiye hejuru ibiganiro byanyu ntaho byagera uretse gutongana gusa.
Inararibonye mu by’imibanire, Celia Schweyer, avuga ko kwiyoroshya cyangwa gucisha macye bitavuze ko ugomba kwemera ibyo avuze byose. Ati “Kwiyoroshya bivuze ko ufata igihe ukamutega amatwi ukumva icyo avuga, aho biva n’icyo ashaka kukubwira. Niba utekereza ko ibyo avuga ari byo bimubwire, niba kandi wumva atari byo nabwo ubimubwire.”
7. Menya ko wowe udashobora kumuhindura
Kwiga uburyo uganira n’umuntu ufunga umutwe byagufasha kwirinda intonganya za hato na hato kuko niba utekereza ko uzamuhindura ntabwo bizashoboka. Ntabwo umuntu utinda kumva ashobora guhindurwa n’undi, ahinduka gusa igihe we yumva ko ari ngombwa kandi bimufitiye akamaro.
8. Mureke yumve ko ari mu kuri
Umuntu utumva iyo umuretse akumva ko ibyo yavuze byumvishwe bishobora gutuma acisha make. Dr. Ramani uzobere mu bijyanye n’imitekerereze ya muntu avuga ko nubwo aba bantu batinda kumva baba batagamije kugutesha umutwe kuko nabo ubwabo ntabwo baba bazi ko babangamira ubuzima bw’abantu.
Akomeza ati “Abantu batinda kumva ntabwo baba bazi ko bazitiwe no gufunga umutwe kwabo, bituma batumva ibitekerezo bishya cyangwa badahinduka bashya. Iyo ubanje kumwumva uba uri kumufasha kumuvana mu gihome cy’ibitekerezo bifungiranye aba afite, ukamufasha kubohoka no kumuha amahirwe yo kumva no kwemera ibitekerezo bishya.”
9. Ibitekerezo bihabanye n’ibye bimubwire mu byiciro
Ikiba kigambiriwe iyo uganira n’umuntu ni uko mwumvikana n’igihe mufite ibitekerezo biri ku mpande zitandukanye. Umuntu ufunga umutwe we biragoye ko mwumvikana igihe mudahuje ibitekerezo kuko aba afite ikibazo cyo kutumva byoroshye, ibintu aba yaravukanye cyangwa yarabikuye muri sosiyete.
Igitekerezo yumva ni icyo we yemera gusa. Rero iyo ushaka ko yumva icyawe gihabanye n’icye, ukigabanya mu byiciro, umubwira bike bike utahise umusenya wese wese. Ibyo bituma abasha kubyumva kandi nta ntonganya zibayeho.
10. Banza uhumeke neza
Igihe uganira n’umuntu ufunga umutwe ashobora kugera igihe ukumva urarambiwe, cyangwa se akugutera umujinya nawe ukaba wakoresha amagambo mabi umusubiza kuburyo mushobora gutongana cyane.
Niba bigenze gutyo mbere yuko umusubiza banza uruhuke, uhumeke neza ushyire ubwenge ku murongo utekereze niba ushobora gukomeza kuganira nawe cyangwa niba ushobora kumwihorera. Ibi bizagufasha kudahita uhutiraho mu byo uvuga ibityo birinde umwuka mubi hagati yanyu.
Nubwo abantu bafunga umutwe baruhanya mu biganiro mpaka cyangwa kubumvisha ibintu, ubusanzwe bakunda kuba ari abanyabwenge, bazi gufata imyanzuro ikwiriye, bityo bisaba kubitondera igihe uganira nabo kuko ari byo bituma mubana neza kandi mukumvikana igihe cyose muganira.
src:igihe
